How To Raise Responsible Children – The 4 Needs of Our Children

The 4 Needs of Our Children 

…that will help them grow up to be happy, responsible adults…


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 noun fam·i·ly /ˈfam-lē /ˈfam(ə)lē/

the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children

also :  any of various social units different from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family

a single-parent family



…us…in one of our family vacations…


We attended church yesterday and the sermon was about Parenting.The way the speaker presented his topic was so simple and compelling and practical that I thought I should share it with you here.We know there are no perfect parents,and there are no perfect children either.We parents do what we think is best for our kids.We look to our own parents for guidance and remember how they raised us and implement it as we raise our own children.



…If only there is one template on how to be  perfect parents, producing good,obedient and happy children!!!



But there is none and we are left to explore and fend for ourselves.Parenting has evolved over the years.The new age parenting is very different from our time and from our parents’ time.But despite this reality,children across generations has this 4 needs that must be provided by us parents for our children to thrive from when they are little, to grow up to be good and responsible citizen in our society.




The 4 Needs of Our Children 

…that will help them grow up to be happy, responsible adults…




1.The Need to Feel Loved.This is a basic need for everyone.And I must say,all parents must love their children,otherwise,what is the point of bringing them into this world.But in this busy world of working parents,and the demands of our lives and responsibilities,we neglect to let our children feel that they are loved.Yes we provide them with food,clothing and a comfortable home.But the need to feel loved stems not just by meeting their basic needs, but from  the following:


  • Spend quality time with them no matter how brief the moment is.It could be from just tucking them to bed, or just giving them a goodnight kiss to spending a whole day or a whole afternoon with them.The most important thing is you are in the moment with them and you give them your undivided attention. 


  • Don’t just tell them you love them,show them love. Be affectionate, hug them everyday. Tell them you love them. Show genuine interest in their life.Make them feel that they matter and that they are important to you.


Children who feel loved will grow up  to be strong and confident.




Image result for child discipline quotes for free




2. The Need to be Trained.Show them and teach them how to be good citizens.And that rules are there for guidance of good conduct and good behavior.Children should be trained to respect other individual’s rights and property and life.Training should start from home,while the children  are young.For Christians,The Bible says ” Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will no depart from it” Proverbs  22:6.That means as parents, we are only stewards of our children, and that our first and foremost duty is to  direct our children to our Savior Lord Jesus.


3. The Need to Learn Obedience. This goes hand in hand with the need to be trained.Children should learn obedience from home, starting from their tender age,and that when they are adults, they will be good constituents in our society.


How should We Implement Obedience?


Parents have different ways of disciplining their children.Some implement time outs.Sometimes, just talking to your offending child works.Other times, physical punishment is necessary to instill obedience.But I will particularly talk about spanking.Me and my siblings’ behinds have landed so much spanking when  were growing up and we are thankful for it.I remember our dad will ask us to lay on our belly and ask us how many spanking we deserved for a particular wrongdoing.And I believed that it helped us become better persons.But as the speaker of the sermon pointed out, spanking should be done with the sole purpose of correcting the bad behavior or disobedience.What scars a child’s emotional and mental health is when spanking is done to vent out a parent’s anger, as a reaction to the disobedient behavior. Discipline should be implemented with tolerance, love and forgiveness. 


What does obedience teach our children? Why is it important?



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  • Obedience helps children develop self control.When we teach our children obedience,we are teaching them to say “no” to what they want,and agreeing to do what they don’t want,but better for them.It is like getting our toddler to choose apple,instead of candy, because apple is better for their little body.Having cultivated the skill of self control through obedience will prepare our children to take on more responsibilities, as when they are kids and when they become adults.







  • Obedience provides safety and security. Obedience keeps children from sustaining a burn when they obey you when you say “do not touch the hot stove”. Or as you heard from the news, how a person sustained a fatal shot, when he refused to obey the police officer saying ” lower your weapon”. It does not matter what the situation is, but an obedient child is going to grow up to be a law abiding adult.



Image result for child discipline by spanking quotes for free



  • Obedience help us to be good parents to our kids. What better way to teach our children to be good parents,than to teach them how to be obedient kids.When children obey house rules and follow instructions,this allows us to fulfill our responsibilities as parents to them, and not worry about them as much because we know they are obedient. Or we parents won’t have to spend  time anymore than needed on house chores because the kids are obedient and are doing their chores without bickering.And this will help all the members of the family live harmoniously together.


The Bible has clear instruction for children about Obedience



Image result for child obedience quotes for free

4.The need for Well Deserved and Appropriate Praise And Approval. It is a child’s intrinsic need to be praised.Praise and approval can boost your child’s self confidence and self worth.As you have noticed,there is  a qualifier “well deserved and appropriate”. Today school children gets trophies and certificate of recognition just for participating because the teachers and administrators don’t want other kids to feel “left out”. At my niece’s school,during awarding ceremony at the end of school year, she did not get the award in “Math” even if she has the highest grade,because she already has “too many awards” and she has to “share” the math award to the other student who had none,so that student will not feel “bad”. My niece was surely not happy about it and she felt robbed of the award that she deserved.

How to effectively give praise that help improve he child’s confidence and self worth


  • Be Specific. Be specific about what it is about your child or the behavior that pleases you that deserve recognition.Instead of saying, “you are such a great help today” to your daughter for putting away the dishes from the dishwasher, you should be specific and say, “Thank you for doing a good job by putting away the dishes today”. By identifying what she did well, you reinforced good behavior and will encourage her to put away the dishes the next time she is in the kitchen.


  • Be Sincere. Nothing can hurt the kids feelings more than an insincere praise. It will make your child doubt you judgment, and worse, it will make them feel insecure and wonder why you are not telling the truth.


  • Avoid comparing them to other kids. Praise your children because of their own ability and skills and not for outperforming others.


I hope these insights will help you parents mold your children into responsible, God fearing, successful, and happy adults.




If you have anymore additions or feedback, please leave them below. Or you can email me at And also here is my Profile link at

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  • Brandon Cox May 23, 2017 at 3:05 pm

    Great thoughts! As a parent, I’m often humbled by the responsibility of making my kids feel loved while also giving them clear boundaries. I’ve found that the trick is to give them a steady balance of both truth and grace, but it’s no easy trick. Truth gives them boundaries. Grace lets them know they’re still loved when they cross those boundaries. Great article!

    • Lilibeth Tingcang May 23, 2017 at 3:38 pm

      Thank you so much for the feedback. You are very right about the Truth and Grace balance. We seem to know these things until someone actually put into writing or speaks about it, then we realize how we have come short as parents in implementing them. Thank you Brandon for your wonderful insight as well.

  • Arvin Yadao May 26, 2017 at 4:14 am

    Our goal in life as a parent is to guide our children to be God fearing and respectful members of our society. Life without God is empty, relationship without respect is meaningless. Keep up the good work of helping others with your great insights and God Bless your family 😉

    • Lilibeth May 26, 2017 at 12:08 pm

      Thank you so much Arvin for such a wonderful input. You are right, as parents, our God ordained responsibility is to guide our children to be followers of our God Jesus Christ.And the ultimate measure of our being successful parents is when our children are God fearing,respectful and happy adults.

  • jeffrey16201 May 28, 2017 at 7:39 am

    Awesome article on family and life, I agree totally with all you have shared in this article today. My parents provided everything I needed in the way of clothing and food, but my parents never told me or made me feel loved as a child.

    Many times parents who grew up in family which was not emotionally close they raise their children in the same way, this does affect children in a negative way for when they grow with a family of their own.

    Nice clothing and enough food to eat is important, but I would have been happier with less of them and more shown love from my parents.

    • Lilibeth May 30, 2017 at 11:27 am

      My heart always go out to those kids who need to feel loved, as much as to those kids who need their basic needs met.As I read your comment I feel a pinch in my heart. Our parents and we as parents do what we think is right for our kids, but information like this article has brought should help us do better as parents now.Even as I was listening to the speaker as he talked about these needs our children to grow up happy and responsible, I was evaluating myself on how I was doing as a parent to my 4 kids, and I suppose that was what you did too as you were reading this article. Thank you so much for the living testimony and you may have missed feeling loved growing up, you sure can make it up now to your own children. Take care and may God bless you and your family Jeffrey.

  • i.c carlos June 1, 2017 at 5:57 pm

    I was reading an article just the other day about five or so different things parents with well brought up kids had in common. I can’t remember the exact title. It was not the same as this post.

    These are some great points about the needs of a child. Only I would probably avoid spanking as a parent. I had made a vow I would never hit again. I kept to that vow for over ten years since then. This does not mean I can say whether other parents can spank their children or not but I always associate that with trauma and it has become a trigger for me.

    I do get that there are different forms of punishment that need to be carried out but only to show the child that there are consequences for wrong actions so that they can learn from them.

    Honestly my parents didn’t show a lot of feeling so there was very little praise or hugging or even really spending quality time in the way described here. I do agree the need for love and praise help boost a child’s self esteem. Honestly I lacked it for most of my teenage and young adult years due to this.

    So I’d definitely say all your points are spot on, I would use them if I became a parent myself.

    • Lilibeth June 1, 2017 at 6:11 pm

      I agree with you Carlos. I believe any form of punishment will do as long as it does the job of showing the child, and for the child to demonstrate understanding, that there are consequences for wrong actions. Parents are not perfect beings, but by the grace of God, we try our best for our children and give them all the love and support we can offer to raise them whole and well.Thank you for your feedback. It is very much appreciated.


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